look into your heart, pretty baby

6:16
And I can hear the early birds singing (on their early worm hunt)
From somewhere outside your window.
The crickets do their laundry, the lizards make breakfast.
I count the seconds interspersing Eden’s Symphony.

ruuuumble, the first bus goes by.
beepbeep, an alarm clock goes off.

6:17
And I can feel Mother Nature lovingly whispering Good morning
against my bare skin--
Goosebumps. She will not be defeated by my thin
cotton shirt. I am thankful for your warmth.

6:18
And I can see the spectrum of tiny dots
exploding-shrinking-reforming-expanding-disappearing
Behind my eyelids. I valiantly fight Consciousness, I desperately seduce Relaxation,
Struggling
to keep asleep--
beepbeep.



Shit.



6:19
I listen to your even breathing, I watch your chest rise and fall.
You turn over, arms outstretched, like a call
Through the wilderness of your dreamscape, a question masked in a plea.
I answer.

6:20
And if you ask me,
this is the best part of my everyday.

It's been awhile since I last wrote a proper entry and my words and sentences are coming out funny. Haha, I can't recall the number of times I've complained of this. This time, I blame Twitter for this strangeness - what better, faster way to get that thought / statement / comment out of your system? My only gripe is the 140 character limit, tres annoying.

Tomorrow is going to be a helluva busy day and I really should be getting some sleep. But my 6am-3pm sleeping pattern is kicking in again and I don't think I can get any un-medically-assisted sleep before 4am. :( Oh well.

To do tomorrow:
1. Wake up at 8am
2. Return NLB books + cash in my cheque
3. Be in school by 11.30am
4. Print my essay and hand it in to Professor Yerkes (note: act upset and remorseful)
5. Return my NTU library books
6. Head down to Clementi and meet Robin
7. *(Head to Ikea if there's time)
8. Head down to Tampines to fix my computer
9. Head down to Bedok to see my dad (note: make sure Robin leaves by 7pm)

Top 10 things I want Right Now:
1. Kate Moennig in my bed, preferably horny and naked
2. Ian Somerhalder in my bed, preferably horny and naked AND a real vampire
3. Robin in my bed, as is :)
4. A cigarette (or three) + hot tea
5. A proper sunny holiday to Lombok
6. A working computer so I can continue downloading The Vampire Diaries, Melrose Place and Gossip Girl
7. Lots of money because I have been bitten by the monthly shopping bug
8. Grey's Anatomy because Stephi keeps tweeting about it and now I'm curious
9. For Professor Yerkes to not penalize me heavily for my lateness in handing in the essay
10. For my notes to file themselves

Things I'm looking forward to:
1. Studying for, starting and finishing my exams
2. An excellent post-exam party (or three)
2. Painting my new room and moving in properly
3. Getting my computer fixed
4. Our 6-month 'anniversary'
5. Working and earning money for my course fees/driving/operation
6. Picking out the modules I want for next semester
7. Beginning lessons at SRT
8. Christmas parties and New Year parties
9. Reading un-school-related books
10. Hair growth


Good night, everyone.

So it's been awhile since I've been here, and seeing as I haven't the time (or inclination) for a proper update -- bullets, ftw!

• Went for SRT Young and Co auditions. Utterly nervewrecking. Keeping my fingers crossed.
• Ended my longest relationship ever - a year and a half - with much sadness. Good luck for the Os, Joce!
• My job at the tuition centre is making me seriously question my intuitive skills.
• I bought the iPhone 3GS!
• My hair is sloooowly growing longer. Am delighted by visible progress.
• Celebrated Robin's 24th. :)
• Halloween was awful. Butter Factory's music was terrible, but the costumes were fab.
• I currently have an eye infection. My left eye actually looks bruised.

I have 2 final performances to prepare for (tomorrow and Friday) + one 2000-word essay (that I plan to finish tonight) due on Thursday + a journal and 1000-word essay for my acting class on Friday. Next week I have to hand in another 1500-word essay + one journal entry + 3 birthdays + one 2000-word essay.


Maybe I should join my brother in going for mass. We can pray for divine intervention together.

Over the last two days, I've learned that

a) shrimps' hearts are in their heads
b) elephants are the only animals in the world that can't jump
c) a crocodile can't stick out its tongue
d) the international telephone dialing code for Antarctica is 672
e) the word 'lethologica' describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want
f) my IQ has progressed from 155 - 160 (apparently)
g) if all else fails, I can become a poet!

Schoolwork is starting to pile up but it makes for a refreshing change after all the work I've done recently. This is going to sound so nerdy, but it's so relaxing to walk into a library, print my notes and then look for materials for my essays. Life seems so much simpler when it's just you and your books.

Then again, my good mood could probably be put down to the A I received for my poetry assignment. :)

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"'Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you might as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"

"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"



"Four months vacation and five good leads."

The New Paper New Face 2009 competition is finally over, and although I didn't win (and yes, I'll admit to being disappointed and a little sour-grapes-ish after), I'm grateful for the friends I've made and the experiences I've gathered. I'd like to state, for the record, that I absolutely adore epicflailer,captureinsanity,stephoosaurusand Tash for coming down (as well as silenthysterics ,kevinisapanda, Hun, Thad, Penny and his girlfriend, Marie and Jo) and making the enormous sign that made me giggle when I was up there posing like a maniac. Friends like mine are so very hard to come by, and I'm so thankful to have such angels in my life. To all of you who came down and screamed and shouted, or who spent money voting for me, thank you so very, very much. You've made my New Face experience one that I'll never forget. :)

One of the things I've taken with me from this experience is that it's hard to not become self-critical when you're constantly being photographed and videoed. You end up scrutinizing everything and wishing that some things were different -- which (I feel) is perfectly natural as long as you don't take it to the extreme and get a full makeover. I'm convinced that I'm going to get my eyelid surgery done (tentatively in December), and I also feel like saving up and going back to braces for a nicer smile. Hahah, we'll see.

On a brighter note, I went to the zoo yesterday with Robin. :)


I wake up every evening with a big smile on my face.

I love this song! The music video is fucking hilarious. :D

I've absolutely zero drive to do anything productive. Scratch that, I've absolutely zero drive, period.

The only thing I feel right now, apart from a strange, unceasing tension in the muscles of my neck, is a profound laziness that extends to everything -- grooming (I've been putting off doing my nails and legs for the entire week), fitness (I've yet to start my exercise preparation), schoolwork, modeling, organizing etc. Nothing seems important/ interesting enough for me to want to do it. I feel like a 95-year-old woman and a 16-year-old adolescent at the same time, too worn out to give a shit and  too self-centered to care about responsibilities.

Argh.

I think my adrenalin glands have shriveled up and died.